today I'm grateful for...

....these delish cupcakes from 'the cupcake bakery'.

Naughty? Yes.

Expensive? In terms of cakes yes.

Messy? For my 1 and 2 year olds, yes!!

Oh-so-worth it? Absolutely.

I was recommended the 'red velvet' cupcake by jacki of more than a mummy. It's the one with white icing and red heart candy. The icing was velvety, and not too sweet. The cake was red, and ok.  still moist, not dried out.

The girls loved theirs!!

right now....

listening: katy perry - ET. new fave song. still love teenage dream.

eating: nothing.

reading: mia freedman's blog - mamamia

drinking: water

watching: the computer screen or keyboard as i type

thinking: about tomorrow and sunday. big weekend ahead!

wearing: denim k-mart shorts, rm williams belt, lorna jane top and blue jumper

smelling: my smelly feet every now and then. think it might be shower time!

wanting: to know the answer to an all-important question. but it's a bit soon for the answer i think. oh and my iPhone4. thanks optus for sending the wrong numbers with the right phones!

doing: blogging, reading other's blog, downloading some music. 

loving: my new nail polish colour. had my nails done last night. it's called 'mad as a hatter' and is by opi.

wishing: i had more places to wear my shoes which match my nails!

kate spade 'charm' satin heels. these were my wedding shoes. i love them. it's like a party on my feet! they are seriously that glittery, and sparkly, and pink, and just fun! 

oh dear. oh dear oh dear oh dear.

so we're now at week 10 of the Michelle Bridges program.  And yet again i have failed.

i failed to follow the meal plans.

i failed to follow the exercise plans.

i failed to fully clean out my kitchen. 

i thought i wouldn't be tempted by the biscuits i kept for my girls.

and for the better part i wasn't.

all i do is self sabotage.

after the birth of bug, my way of coping with 2 little ones and being on my own a lot was to have a red bull and chocolate. every day.

that habit is still going, even though bug will be 2 in august.

and i thought i had the PND under control.

turns out i was wrong. the red bull and chocolate is a big bad expensive habit.

i actually think smoking is cheaper.

i haven't crunched the numbers. i am too scared of the truth.

so what has really kept me from achieving my goal? my goal for round 1 was to lose 7 kilos. 

i think my attitude of 'i don't really need to lose weight' has had something to do with it.  

for a while there, the better part of my wardrobe was fitting me. 

sure, i had a small muffin top going on, but i could hide it with the right clothing.

did i feel comfortable? NO.

i love exercise. i love the endorphin rush it gives me. step is my absolute favorite class.

i had started doing the lean & strong section of the program. 

i was enjoying the new way of using weights.

i loved seeing myself in the mirror, doing the lateral raises, or barbell curls. 

you could actually SEE my muscles. and boy, did they have some shape!

i have tricep muscle definition! the hardest muscle in the body to define, and i can SEE mine!

yes, i can only see it when i flex it, which i am not all that good at. but it's there!

so what went wrong?

i enjoyed cooking the meals. not all of them. 

love the cajun chicken with sweet potato wedges and avocado and tomato salad. mmmmm.

i honestly don't like cooking tho. i seriously couldn't be bothered half the time.

and that attitude has lead me to eating macca's more times than ever. 

so feeling a little lost, and also numb at what i need to do to get myself back on track.

i know what needs to be done - calorie count like a mathematician. 

get my hrm sorted out. bastard of a thing is failing me after 11 months! time for a service....

and just don't think. michelle speaks of 'paralysis but analysis'. boy. i get that big time!

it's easter this weekend.....i'm not going to say no to chocolate all together. 

time to put the food in the 'moderation' box of the health pyramid back to just that - moderation food, not everyday food!

i'm also going to be making sure i do some sort of movement over the long weekend. 

whether it's a run on my own, which i think i enjoy.....

no gym as it's shut a fair bit.

but i need to wake up and put the effort in. i have become so lazy, not only with my eating and exercising, but also with stuff around the house. with my girls. with my relationship.

i've made an appointment with my psychologist too. think i need to talk about some things which have happened of late.

so here's to getting back on track......!!

my ideal day....

things i'd do if i had a whole day (or more) to myself....

go to bed at a reasonable hour. and by that i mean around 8:30-9pm. 

be up at 5:30am to be at the gym at opening time - 6am. 

workout for an hour or so. 

go home and shower. eat a healthy filling breakfast. 

fruit salad and yoghurt. special k and fresh berries.

go back to the gym for the 9:30am class. 

my gym has great 9:30am classes each day of the week. 

maybe stay for the 10:30am class.

all depends on the day of the week.

shower and have some lunch.

go out - shopping. see my grandparents.

go to the movies. yeah i like the sound of that one.

been a long time since i went to the movies!

go home and surf the 'net. 

sort out the photos in iPhoto on my iMac.

they're all in there, just not in folders how i'd like them to be.

download so more music. rip music form my cds.

sort out the music on my iPhone and iPod.

cook dinner - be it cajun chicken kebabs 

or cajun chicken with sweet potato chips and salad.

i love adding cajun to the chicken.

mmmmm-mmmmm. does get a bit bitey after a few mouthfuls!

watch some trashy evening television.

i love the big bang theory.

i love desperate housewives.
i LOVE true blood.

i love friends.

sea patrol is starting soon too. final season tho. :( boo hoo.

go to bed and do some reading.

at the moment my reading choice is either women's health australia 

or 'weightloss warrior' by tiffiny hall

lights out at 9:30pm at the latest!

and then get up and do most of it again the next day.

now this would only ever happen in my little fantasy world 

where my husband can afford for our girls to go to daycare 

and for me to stay at home....

i'm allowed to dream tho!

excited for tomorrow.....!

tomorrow is sunday.....

playing on the trampoline together :)

husband has children in the morning. they make pancakes and eat them watching dora.

I get to sleep in.....or do a workout!

Plan for tomorrow....workout while hubby is home. Aiming to burn 1000 calories.

Reward for that - a shower!! Then make the weekly shopping list, head to the markets to get as much fresh fruit and veg as I can and then the supermarket for whatever else.

In whatever is left of the day....spending it with family. My cousin got her kitten. Gorgeous little black and white kitty. It's so tiny!!!

Looking forward to an awesome week - nutrition and exercise wise. Work and family wise too!

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