ups and downs.....highs and lows....

my beautiful girls - ready for daycare, which was bug's first day

here's to a new week!

that's all i can say. after last week, i'm ready to sleep for a year to just have a new place to begin.

found out friday week ago that i was pregnant. we had all the usual feelings.....plus already?! i'm on the pill!! but it happened.

and then the bleeding started, and by thursday i'd miscarried.

i had stupidly thought that once you'd had kids, you didn't have miscarriages. i thought that they always happened BEFORE you had a successful pregnancy. obviously i was wrong.

i've gone from being sad and upset about what could have been, to angry. angry at my body letting me down. angry that it happened. and angry that i felt relieved. we were planning on falling pregnant again this year, just not so soon. so i feel relieved. and angry because i am relieved.

i want to just let go. i don't want to care any more about what i put in my mouth and just eat all the foods which make me feel better. at least, that's what the old me feels like doing.

the agent took me out for dinner on friday night, to my favorite restaurant - Millones. i ate too much and topped it off with sticky date pudding. i realised that as much as i love food, i don't miss the portion sizes i used to allow myself! and boy, was that a good thing to realise!!

so here's to this week. a brand new one. here's to kicking some calories in training. here's to my beautiful girls and i having fun and them having fun at daycare. here's to me getting back into the swing of things at work. and here's to my wonderful husband, who supported me through it all and loves me simply cos i am who i am - me.