over it! over it over it over!!!!!

i am sooooooooo sick of myself!

sick of the games i play.

sick of the habits i won't let go of!

we are up to week 7 in the 12wbt. and have i lost any weight, cleaned up my eating or stepped up my exercise? noooooooooo! why not? cos i'm a fat lazy ass that's why!!!!!

i have been given the gift of someone doing the meal planning for me....yet i still choose to eat crap.

i know what bad ingedients go in to fizzy drinks, especially red bull. yet i still drink them.

i hate how tired i am. i want to get up and exercise at 5am, yet i sleep through my alarm most of the time!

i hate the pimples my face keeps breaking out in. it's disgusting!

i hate how my mood swings so much. always thought that was just the way i was. nope, i think the food aids it a little bit! it sucks.

so i am now so far over it, over the fat rolls, over the bloated tummy, over the short-temperedness with the girls, over being unable to feel awake until i've had choclate and red bull. over putting crap in my body and expecting a different result!

so here's what i am going to do:

1. get organised. meal plans are released on thursdays. i will organised our meals, get the shopping list ready so as i can do the shopping for the week over the weekend. if there is a meal i don't eat, such as some of the seefood dishes, i will substitue them for a different fish meal i will eat which has the same amount of calories. same for lamb or chicken.

2. finish the book. i will finish reading 'sweet poison - quit plan' and apply it. cut the crap out cold turkey. i will also do this with the girls, and hubby if i can....and by that i mean i can't control everything he eats, so what i do have some say in and i will make sure it is good healthy food.

3. diarise. i will mark out each week, on a saturday night, when i am going to exercise, do the grocery shopping, clean the house, visit friends, everything. that way i can't use the excuse of 'i'm not organised'! this ties in with point 1.

4. i will cut down on the tv watching.  it's my biggest down-fall, simply because i can sit in front of it for the 2 hours after the girls go to bed until the agent gets home. it would be ok if i did things while watching tv like the ironing, but i don't. it also means i get to bed late because after watching the tv i then get up and do the things i need to do.

5. go to bed earlier. that way i can get up earlier and exercise! simply really! i also prefer the early morning. it's when the world seems all fresh!

6. use my 'it's all about me' journal. i will log what i eat. i will weigh all ingredients. i will calorie count. it's the only way i can stay on track and i bought the bloody book so i need to get my money's worth out of it!

7. listen to the mindset videos. michelle does 2 videos each week. one is a live feed with her answering questions put to her by 12wbt members. the other is a 'mindset' lesson. i will listen to all of these and apply them to my life and my situations where needed. eg - she did one last week on eating out. can definitely use that one!

i have 6 kilos to loose. i can loose that in 6 weeks, if i am strict on myself, cut the caffeine out of my diet, go to bed earlier and eat wholesome foods and not dead-calories. i love exercise.  i love the endorphins it produces!!!

right, time to get my shopping list organised......

ups and downs.....highs and lows....

my beautiful girls - ready for daycare, which was bug's first day

here's to a new week!

that's all i can say. after last week, i'm ready to sleep for a year to just have a new place to begin.

found out friday week ago that i was pregnant. we had all the usual feelings.....plus already?! i'm on the pill!! but it happened.

and then the bleeding started, and by thursday i'd miscarried.

i had stupidly thought that once you'd had kids, you didn't have miscarriages. i thought that they always happened BEFORE you had a successful pregnancy. obviously i was wrong.

i've gone from being sad and upset about what could have been, to angry. angry at my body letting me down. angry that it happened. and angry that i felt relieved. we were planning on falling pregnant again this year, just not so soon. so i feel relieved. and angry because i am relieved.

i want to just let go. i don't want to care any more about what i put in my mouth and just eat all the foods which make me feel better. at least, that's what the old me feels like doing.

the agent took me out for dinner on friday night, to my favorite restaurant - Millones. i ate too much and topped it off with sticky date pudding. i realised that as much as i love food, i don't miss the portion sizes i used to allow myself! and boy, was that a good thing to realise!!

so here's to this week. a brand new one. here's to kicking some calories in training. here's to my beautiful girls and i having fun and them having fun at daycare. here's to me getting back into the swing of things at work. and here's to my wonderful husband, who supported me through it all and loves me simply cos i am who i am - me.

new mind needed

she looks all sweet and innocent huh? nah-uh....i'm in for an ass-whooping!!

which is exactly what i need!

so i have joined the michelle bridges 12 week body transformation.

again. for the second time.

i did the third round last year. whilst i learnt a few new things, as well as collecting some yummy recipes, i don't think my head was in the right place about about be receptive the the information i was presented with.

well, this is gonna change this round!

i am over filling my body with crap. i love to exercise. LOVE it. yes some days, like today i can't be bothered. however today i did be bothered. i went to the gym and did body pump simply because i knew bug would love the time down in the creche. and she did - she keeps them on their toes by climbing on everything.

i feel good for having done the class, even if i did only burn 350 calories. to me that is a pathetic effort for pump. last week i was burning 450+ in a class. on thursday i will be adding more weight to my barbell during the tracks. i am loving the triceps and biceps tracks. for some reason i enjoy pushing those muscles more than anything!

so anyway, this round i am having an extremely open mind about the 12wbt. i can't wait for the mindset lessons with michelle, nor the first live video with her in week 1. we're in the preseason now, and are completing the preseason tasks.

oooooo it's exciting!

now to just get my feet sorted - darn blisters and orthotics. feet, why can't we just get along?!!!!

it's the small things

are YOU happy?

i am learning how to be happy with what i have.

i am someone who can very very easily go and give the credit card a workout trying to find that one piece of clothing which will help make and keep me happy. for some reason, spending money helps me to be 'happy'. not sure why. really must get to the root of this problem!

i have also noticed how simple things can help transform my mood.

music - certain songs get me dancing. thankfully the bubble hasn't learnt to laugh AT me when this happens. she just watches and often joins in.

the rain - although i miss the sunshine, i know how needed the rain is. coming from the country rain is welcome all year round!

5 o'clock in the afternoon - 2 hours till the girls are in bed and i get a little bit of time on my own before hubby comes home.

cuddles - with my mum. with my girls. with my brother. with my husband. 'nuff said.

so i'm going to keep on being happy with what i have. nothing will help me be happy.

apart from the chest of drawers i'm off to buy - that will solve the problem of husband's clothing being all over the floor! here's hoping it fits in our room!!!!!

organisation. where are thee?

nicely sorted

it's the last day of spring, and the agent and i are bit late in doing the 'spring clean' thing. it's an urge we get every couple of months, and well......it's taken the full 3 months of spring to hit us this time around.

let me tell you, 3 adults + 2 kids living in a 3 bedroom townhouse = crowded mess! (third adult is a friend of mine from canada here on a working visa)

so we are in the process of cleaning out the kitchen, the bedrooms, the bathrooms (how on earth did i end up with so many cosmetic samples?!! gah!) the desk areas, the girls clothing, the girls toys. you name it, we're working out how we can either use it or it gets tossed.

a wonderful 'motto' an old boss once told me.....'if in doubt throw it out'. so if i'm in doubt that i'll ever use that container which does not have a lid, it's gonna be thrown out!

oooooohhhh how much easier that makes everything.  sort of. hmmmm......

i do wonder if i'll ever regret throwing out some of the bits and pieces. and then i think 'you thought that last time this urge hit, and look! you've never used it, so chances are you are not gonna miss it!' that thought does help with the process.

and just to think. all this cleaning is in time for christmas.....and all the crap that goes with it. i love christmas. i really do. it's just.......i don't know. that's another post.

ps - by 'throw out' i mean ebay or the salvos. nothing in good condition goes in the bin. i'm a huge believer in recycling. just cos i don't use it doesn't mean someone else wont.

new times ahead....

all things start with something small

....

welcome!

a new blog about a new journey....

a journey which sees me returning to work one day a week (so far) next january.....

a journey of getting my eating habits under control.....

a journey of the challenges which are set before husband and i in our business....

so come. take a seat, and watch what happens on this blog.

i will post about the little things, as well as the not-so little things.

i will post about accomplishments - such as the return to work and the cooking of new recipes.

please don't get offended by anything i may or may not say on here. remember, it's my blog, so i will say what i want. of course i am considerate about others. i never set out to offend people. no matter what!

enjoy.....