valuable lesson: learnt!!

Learnt a valuable lesson about myself this morning.

And boy, am I glad I bloody well did. It's about time I realised this:

That even when the agent and I have a fight.....I should still go to the gym!!!

Duh!

The girls were all whiney this morning as he was leaving for work. And of course, he kept prolonging it by NOT bloody leaving! Argh!

It was doing my head in!!!

So I ended up in yelling at him. As I do when I'm feeing angry and frustrated. He left, the girls and I sat down and had some cuddles, got dressed and had breakfast.

Everything was peachy.

Almost missed my gym class - step, my favourite! Thankfully one of the girls there helped me set up, and we were good to go!

I managed to push all the crap to do with the agent from my head, and just focussed on the moves and what my feet and arms were supposed to be doing for the next hour.

I walked out of there feeling bloody FANTASTIC!

So, I'm glad we still went to the gym. The girls got to have a play with other kids in a different environment. I got a bit of time-out from them and my exercise for the day done. Win-win!

Don't know how many calories I burned tho cos I a. haven't looked! and b. the bloody hrm stopped working for I don't know how long! Argh! I did post mine off on Wednesday tho, so should get it back next week. Finally!




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

hmmm....hhhhhmmmmmm.......hhhuuummppphhh!!!

i have had no idea what to write.

hence the lack of posts for nearly 2 weeks.

lbm#3 is still going great.  thank heavens. the agent sat in front of me while i was sitting on the lounge last night, and sang to lbm#3. lbm went off! kept kicking whilst his/her daddy sang 'hush little baby' him/her. it was so nice. i had happy tears! lbm had been very quiet yesterday, so i was getting worried. bit daddy singing made him/her wiggle, which eased my fears!

bug & bubble are gooooood....if only they'd realise 5:45am is NOT a reasonable time to get up! argh!!!! we get up because of them once, maybe twice during the night. if not more. they are both forever trying to get in our bed through out the night. i need this habit broken. last thing i need is to be feeding a newborn with the agent, bug and/or bubble in the same bed as me. it's driving me insane! they've both been great sleepers, and now suddenly - oh look! it's midnight, time to party! oh look, it's 3am, time to party! argh!!!! the agent is so tired half the time (cos he doesn't go to bed at a reasonable hour) that bubble can simply slide herself in to bed beside him without him even realising!  the more i think about it, the more i'm driven bat-shit crazy by the whole shituation! they share a room, and it seems that as soon as one is awake, she wakes the other up. bug used to be the kind that slept from 7am till 7am, 8am, even later. bubble used to be 7am-7pm without fail. i get she's a bit older now tho so may not need 12 hours solid. but 10 hours makes her super cranky after a day or 2. argh! thinking i'll put bubble in the spare room in the queen size bed and leave bug in her own room. i'd like to get a single bed for bubble but i just don't know if it would fit in the room she and bug share at the moment. we'll be using bubble's cot for lbm when he/she arrives. and to be honest, i'd rather not get a single bed and just get a double bed for her. much easier for her and me or the agent to fit into if she is sick.

the agent is working hard. no change there. looking forward to next weekend, as we're going to the hunter valley for a wedding. can't wait! mum and dad will be there, as will my brother. and we managed to get accommodation 5 minutes from the ceremony location, and 5 minutes from the reception location. bonus! and it has a pool. double bonus! it will be nice to be away, with the agent, and with family who are willing to help out with our girls. bit of a break? i HOPE!

and me? i'm good and crap all at once. 2 saturday's ago, the agent and i went to a 'men's cooking night' at his boss's place.....out of 8, yes EIGHT course, i could eat ONE. thankfully it was the dessert course and i'm not even sure i should have eaten it.
each couple had to bring a meal and prepare it at the house of the the agent's boss and then serve it up. there were oyster + vegetable shots, blue cheese in dates, raw mince, prawn salad, fish soup, pork something, venison something, duck orange.   yeeeaaaaahh, due to personal choice, being pregnant and religious reasons, i don't eat  ANY of that food. i had a bit of the prawn salad minus the prawns. i tried to eat the fish soup but it was simply DISGUSTING. and the dessert was a mousse something, which was yummy but i think it had liqueur in it....not good. oh and then there was how long the night went for. they had the last main course, the venison at 12:30am. they served dessert up after 1am. fucking ridiculous! who eats at that hour?! oh that's right. DRUNK PEOPLE. but usually it's kebabs, not duck or venison! we got home after 2am, think it was about 2:30am. the agent promptly went up to bed, leaving ME to deal with the prawn guts and heads he'd left on the sink after preparing the prawns for his salad at home before we left. G R O S S. i was livid! i let him have it the next day. i was not only tired at 9am, i was starving! i know it's not his fault i don't eat any of that food. it was the leaving me to clean up his fucking mess that did it for me! argh! the week following sort of went down hill.....i was tired, so my workouts were tough. bug was unwell. her molars are coming thru we worked out this morning, which means her ears are hurting her. i think it's that and the fact that she now does swimming on sundays. i think the water may be upsetting her ears. it hasn't been fun. oh and then my car had a flat battery. not happy. the girls then got into a pot of vaseline. vaseline is sticky shit. does not come off in cold water, or hot. baby wipes to the rescue! they were the only thing that got the shit off the girls hands. gggrrrr!!!!!

so i haven't been eating too great. nor have i been doing the women's health 21-day reboost. i couldn't be assed lately!

i have gotten a couple of things ticked off my to-do list. i want to do a 'to-done' post soon. maybe tomorrow.....

i did do a double pump/step class yesterday morning. and it felt sooooo good! i love that i stayed for step! been a while since i did that! just wish my leg would stop getting tired on me so fast - makes working out hard!!!

i'm feeling rather blah today. walked out of attack cos of said leg playing up. my heart was not in it. i struggle with attack. lots of jumping and running. i am looking forward to exercising without a baby bump, and being able to jump high like i normally do!

think i'm gonna have to adopt a JFDI attitude for the rest of the day - suck it up princess and just fucking do it. do whatever it takes to get thru the day! argh!!!!!!!

21 days to reboot your life - women's health mag

this article in the october issue of women's health caught my eye.

i feel as tho something is lacking - and it's not just the 'ugh' off the end of tho. i know how to spell the word properly. that is just the way i choose to spell the word!

so anything that would help me 'reboot' sounds good to me!

week one is all about setting new habits.

week two is all about upgrading the good bits.

week three is all about upping the motivation.

each week has 3 sections - fitness, mind and life. for fitness it gives you a workout to do each week with how many reps and at what intervals. for mind and life it gives you a task to do each day. obviously one task is to help your mind, the other to benefit your life.

the agent is in to anthony robbins and his shit. american self-help/motivational speaker. the sound of his voice is enough to put me to sleep. which incidentally it did the one time i tried listening to one of the agent's cd's.....

michelle bridges is my 'anthony robbins'. at least that's the way i've described her and the effect her words have on me to the agent, in the hopes he'd understand. granted i did not apply myself 100% to the 12wbt. i did however see the results it had in other peeople. and once lbm3 is born, damn skippy i'm gonna make sure i follow it to the letter. i think it may be the thing which helps me cope with 3 kids!

so tomorrow, i'm going to start week 1 of the reboot.  at the gym i will do my normal fatburner class, and at the end do the workout WH's says to do. 

the first task under 'mind' is to cut booze out. well, that's not hard at all - yay!! one task already completed! 

the first task for 'life' is to "cut out email first thing in the morning and last thing at night". for me, this will be internet usage altogether. instead of facebook and twitter whilst sitting at the table having breakfast with bubble and bug, i'm going to focus on what i'm actually eating and what the girls are doing. and after bug's efforts with weet-bix for tea tonight, i'm going to have to start watching she doesn't try and apply it as an all-ove body scrub. rascal!

i honestly think i will struggle with a couple of the tasks. like writing my own eulogy. that one is set to outline what you are doing versus what you want to be doing. well, duh. i already know the differences there. and that's pretty much my whole life at the moment.

anyway, we'll cross that bridge when we get there......

and there's even a check-off box page in the mag, where i can tick that i've done the task. hehe love seeing boxes filled with tics of completion!

goals - september 19 - 24 2011

another list.  can you tell i like making 'em? if only i was as good at shortening them as i am making them....well, that's something to work on!

1. go. to. the. bloody. gym. every.single.day!!!!

if last week proved anything to me, it's that i need to exercise to keep my head thinking clearly. exercise has become a necessity for me. and i truly believe it's one of the best, most positive things i could need to do in my life. sometimes the want is not there. and that's when i need to remember this little gem:

 you will ALWAYS regret NOT doing a workout.

however, you will NEVER regret doing a workout.

2. devote saturday's entirely to my munchkins.

monday - friday i go to the gym. monday, tuesday and friday i drag bubble and bug with me. the other days, they're at daycare. saturday mornings we go to church. we end up being there for 1 and a half hours. there's the learning part, then some craft and morning tea, and then all the kids get to run wild, literally, in the junior room. it's wonderful. and now that the weather is becoming warmer, the room is not as cold, which makes going all the more enjoyable! after church we come home and bug usually has a sleep. we'll then just spend the day doing what they want to do, playing in the sandpit, with the water, on the trampoline and swings, or going for a walk. of course, all of this is weather permitting!

3. clean my bathrooms.

this is a carry-over from last week. i really need to do it. i know that it takes me a bit longer than it takes my mum to do hers. i really don't know how she manages to do her bathrooms (2 toilets, laundry sink and bathroom sink) so quickly. but she does. must ask her! as always, this task i know will not be painful once i start it. it's just starting it!

4. eat clean. all day. every day.

no red bull. no chocolate. no crappy food. 

i want to eat wholesome foods, filling foods, ones that are beneficial to my body, and of course lbm3. and i will blog the foods i eat, as the one day (father's day) that i did this, i ate really well compared to the other days when i have never blogged about my food intake.

yes it can be a bit tedious and time consuming. it is more than worth it tho! i felt alive on the day i did it. energised properly, not from crappy caffeine drink.

5. finish sorting out my clothes and putting them into the bags, and then onto boxes.

6. follow the 21-day life re-boost in women's health magazine. 

will blog more about this later tho.

7. post off my hrm to be fixed! 

i actually miss it! the agent's one doesn't show me calories burned during a workout. only shows them once i've switched it off!

8. return my shoes to betts!

9. get the church bulletin done - no mistakes and printed by thursday.

10. make the doctors appointment i slept thru last week!

oops....

11. tidy my desk up.

12. find the forms my obstetrician needs for the hospital!

one of those days.

so.

today.

horrible day.

not weather wise. the weather was glorious. i noticed that as soon as i looked out the window. sunshine and blue sky - no clouds! although they did roll around later this arvo. hope it doesn't rain, i have washing on the line!

anyway. the agent said to me this morning 'do you mind if i work sunday?'

do i mind? of course i fucking mind! gah!

normally i don't. however he has been working very long hours lately. wasn't home till 9pm at the earliest all week. it sorta sucks.

anyway, i told him i did, wasn't too keen on it, we have the girls swimming lessons, blah blah blah. deep down tho, i knew if he needed to, he would no matter what i said.

so off he goes to work. and my mood steadily worsens, as i remembered his response last night when BOTH the girls were calling out 'daddy!', which happens to be what they call HIM, his father. 'i'm ignoring them.' 

oh. really? so i got up to them both. which i don't mind doing. i do when they're calling him but i can generally settle them faster than him. the sciatica nerve makes getting out of bed painful and awkward. 

so that added to my bad mood and it got really bad when i got to my car.

i'd left the interior light on. for 14 hours straight.

car battery was flat. dead. not going to be going anywhere any time soon.

shit.

i looked at my watch and realised there was not enough time for me to get the girls in the pram and walk to the gym. not that i was keen on pushing both of them in the pram anyway. pushing bug on tuesday made my back hurt for the whole day. do not want to think about how it would be after pushing both of them and a step class.

so bak upstairs we go, and i call scott in tears. i'd already sent him 2 texts messages telling him off and how i felt. i knew he was in a meeting so didn't expect a response nor for him to answer his phone. but he did.

he told me to call nrma, which i didn't. i did not want to deal with people when i was as angry/upset/in tears as i was.

girls and i pottered about the house a bit, me the whole time feeling horrible. sad. lonely. depressed. tired. 

he came home aorund 12:30pm, started my car by jump starting it. no idea if it goes at all tho, cos i didn't go for a drive anywhere. so the morning will tell all.


it was just a crappy day, cos i was focusing on all the negative shite that was circling in my head.


the agent came home early. like as in 5:45pm early. he's dealt with bubble and bug and i've had a loooong hot shower and washed my hair.


i know i need to focus on the positives in my life. and there are so many of them.


i also know i need to exercise.


i'm a firm believer in what reese witherspoon said as elle woods in 'legally blond':
exercise produces endorphins.
endorphins make you happy.
happy people don't kill their husbands.


now, i don't want to kill my husband, it's the rest of the statement i find to be very very true!


so i'm hoping tomorrow will be a better day. a day where i have the energy to focus on my girls, and get the stuff done i need to do.


it's all about shifting my focus, which i find hard to do. not all the time, just some times. sometimes i get very bogged down in believing and dwelling on all the areas i think i'm failing at.


it's hard to change one's focus, and i find exercise helps me with that.


for now tho, i'm off to iron the agent a shirt for tomorrow, and then go to bed. i'm very tired, not to mentioned drained.

12 week body transformation

so a year ago i did my first round of the 12wbt.

i then did round 1 & round 2 this year. 

failed, in my eyes, miserably.

as mish says:

consistency is key

JFDI - Just Freakin' Do It!

do the preseason tasks

i didn't do any of that too well. in my opinion.

i did JFDI a few times and am getting better at applying it to my life!

so round 3 has started for this year. i did not sign up....wait for it....cos i'm pregnant. what a pathetic excuse! argh!

so, i am going to do it on my own. i have heaps of podcasts from the rounds i did, of mish's mindset lessons, the preseason tasks and the live feeds.

i still follow the blog of the lovely kath from courage2start.

she is hosting a 'blogging challenge' for the 12 week duration. 

i'm going to do my version. obviously there will be bits i won't be able to do, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

so.....here's my response to the first 'challenge' kath posted!

1. Describe yourself in 25 words or less. You can get straight to the point - or bring your creativity into play. 

i'm loud, loving and confusing! i'm supportive and need support. love to exercise. love my family. love being out in the sun! bring on summer!!

2. What brings you to 12wbt? Getting fitter? Losing weight? (Gaining weight??) Are you first timer, a repeat offender??

i'm a 'repeat offender' you could say. i'm gaining weight - thankfully for a good reason and not too fast either! i'll be 24 weeks (6 months) pregnant with bubbi #3 on saturday. i'm doing this to help keep my food habits in check. i could really quite easily let loose and put just about anything in my mouth. which i unfortunately have been.

i'm looking to at least maintain my fitness at the moment. i no longer do the abs section of the classes and i have lowered my squat weight in pump as my lower back gets quite sore quite easily. i'm making amendments to my workouts and i'm ok with that. so far anyway! 

3. Why do you blog??

i blog to record my memories.....thoughts....feelings.....things which my family and i do. i only have one follower so far, the lovely holly of good golly holly and i'm ok with that! not quite game for people i know (such as my family and my mum) to read this blog yet....i'll tell them about it one day!

i'm trying to blog my food intake. the ONE day i actually did that i ate really well! of course chocolate was still consumed however it was father's day and the agent's toblerone....yummmmmm

4. Who is your biggest inspiration in life and why (doesn't have to be weight loss)

i have 2 people who inspire me....make that 3....

1. michelle bridges of course! i own all 3 of her books, and learnt quite a bit from them prior to doing the 12wbt. i love that she didn't adopt a 'victim mentality' early on in life after she was sexually assaulted. i love that she has the get-up-and-go to achieve her dreams. i love that she sees there is a problem with our country's weight, and the world's weight, and is quietly doing something about it thru her 12wbt. i also love that she is humbled by the appreciation people show her for what she helps them achieve. she is still a 'real' person, not a 'celebrity' who has let her fame go to her head. i have met her, and she is lovely. just wish i had remembered to ask her the couple of questions i'd wanted to! 

2. my mum. she is such a strong woman. without putting my dad in a bad light, she puts up with a fair bit from him. what woman doesn't put up with some sort of crap from her man?! she (and my dad of course!) managed to raise my brother and i into what i'd like to think, fairly decent human beings. she showed us the world does not end at guyra, the small country town we grew up in. she raised me to have beliefs in God, which i am now showing to my daughters. my mum does the best with what she has. she somehow managed to survive my teenage years, cos i was a shit. a big shit of a teenager. i dread to think what bubble and bug are gonna be like! argh! i think bug will end up worse than bubble, cos bug is sooooo much like me it's scary! 

my mum loves my girls, my husband and i and does anything she can do to help us, even though she lives 600kms away. such as putting bubble into daycare and paying for it just after bug was born as she knew i wasn't coping.

my mum will do anything for us, and i love her for that.

3. my husband. he has shown me how life could be, would be and should be. and how to achieve it. he drops everything if i ring him in distress and helps me when he can. he works really bloody hard, and long hours, nearly every day of the week. he fortunately doesn't work sundays any more. and for that i am ever so grateful! 

he coaches me, teaches me and has shown me the power of language and the power of positive thinking (this baby will be a BOY! this baby will be a BOY! this baby will be a BOY!!!!!! do you think it works like that?! hahahaha)

he also loves me, adores me and would do anything for me. i have seen this to be true with things his mum has said to me. and i love it. not in a way that i would take advantage of him of course. i just love that he still loves me even tho i am pigheaded and bloody obnoxious at times. he loves me even though i'm faulty! and i love him. sure i wish he were a bit fitter. for a man who does not exercise he is still quite fit. ok, so i wish he had the chiseled-ryan gosling abs....mmmmmm

the agent is currently working harder than ever as we've found a house we want to buy. and not just a house that we could move in to.....oh no....the agent had to go and choose a house which needs work done to it. we could move in straight away, but it needs updating, and a bedroom added.....and a hack saw taken to the back yard! ah well, it's always fun and games with the agent. never a dull moment, and i love it. he loves our girls, absolutely adores them. can't ask for much else!

5. What things in life bring you the most joy?

exercise. step. seeing a large amount of calories gone after a great workout!

animals. i love horses. horse riding. 

feeling lbm3 kick. seeing lbm3 move on the ultrasound screen. being told everything is ok with him/her.

my girls. bubble and bug. bubble does not stop bloody talking. it does get a bit much but i love it. she says 'medicine' 'milicent' which cracks me up. bug doesn't say much in the way of real words. she has her own language thing happening. i love it.

the sunshine. the smell of rain, especially on a hot summers day. the smell of freshly cut grass. the smell of the agent's manfume - bvlgari aqva. the smell of my perfume - lancome hynose.

seeing that it is a beautiful day outside when i wake up and look out the window.

hearing that my family are coming to visit! love having visitors, especially as my in-laws and my parents all live far far away.

hearing the garage door open tells me the agent is home. hearing he had a great day - achieved lots/sold a house or 2. anything that makes him happy.

hearing an all-time favorite song and having a sing. which i cannot do to save my life.

6.What do you think your greatest challenge is going to be this round?

not eating the wrong things! i really have a sweet tooth, and it seems worse when pregnant. or is that just an excuse? i don't know! i love how alive i feel after eating nutrient-rich low-calorie foods. i sleep better when i don't eat chocolate/drink caffeine.

staying organised all week. i start out great, and generally end badly. organisation is key. 

7. What are you most excited about 12wbt?

reading about other people's success. i would normally put 'learning new things to cook' but as i don't have access to the website i can't put that one. next round....next round....there you go. i'm excited about next round!

8. And what scares the pants off you?

not losing the weight i'm obviously gaining at the moment. that my body won't 'go back' to what it once was. of course it has already changed. i now have hips. and stretch marks. on my ass. a few on my tummy. but that's part of pregnancy. i guess i just know i worked consistently to lose the weight after bug was born, and i loved having my whole wardrobe available to me to wear. maybe i'm scared of the hard work? not cos it will be hard. i know that, and i love to exercise hard. love pushing myself. but trying to do it with THREE kids? that's completely new to me. again, we'll cross that bridge when we get there. but it does scare the pants off me. again, have to be organised!

9. Tell me - right now - today - how do you feel about exercise in no more than 10 words.

excited! love it! look forward to changing my body next year!

10. Complete this sentence - in 12 weeks time - on the last day of 12wbt I am going to be feeling ____________________

probably hot and bothered, and fat! hahahaha all in a good way of course! but excited, for everyone else and reading what they will have achieved! and excited that the next round is that much closer and it'll be my turn again!

so there ya go. i'm going to keep doing this, to try. NO. i'm going to do this to keep myself on track for the remainder of this pregnancy. i deserve it. lbm3 deserves it. and bubble and bug deserve the best mummy their mummy can be. the agent deserves a fantastic wife. 

feeling great!

for a change, we were running early this morning!! normally we run late....must have been the fact i've got all bar one of the clocks in my house set to be 5-10 minutes faster than the actual time!

bubble was in to us twice throughout the night. the first time the agent put her back in her bed, the second she came in to us quite upset so he let her stay in our bed. hmmm, i' not into the whole bed-sharing thing. unfortunately, or fortunately, she sleeps better when she sleeps next to her daddy! if only i could get her to realise the night she can sleep next to the agent is a saturday night, so as we could have a sunday morning sleep-in....hmmm might be asking a bit much then! worth a shot...

we all ate breakfast together this morning. that is unheard of. the agent usually skips breakfast - says he'll eat at work. whether or not he does, i don't know. however, i'm thinking of ways to get him more organised and time-efficient as he's riding in the sydney to gong ride on november 6. he's not training at all, and he's doing the 90-odd km ride! will look at training schedules for him later, and tell him to get his act together!

i had bubble at daycare at 8:15am today. unusually early for a tuesday! bug and i then came home where i put her in the pram and proceeded to walk to the gym! it is such a beautiful day - bit chilly earlier but lovely and warm now!

yesterdays workout really got rid of some 'cobwebs' i had floating around in my head. it was just what i needed.

any time i run/jump/star jump/do high knees, i nearly wet myself. it is so annoying, not to say embarrassing. i've worked out if i get on the treadmill and do a bit of running on there before a cardio class, i go to the loo before the class starts and am right for the rest of the class.  

this theory worked well yesterday! i survived the whole class, and burnt 600+ calories in an hour! have not done that many in a long time! it felt so good to see that big number at the end of my workout! 

so i'm feeling good. i went back to the gym last night for pump but was too late, so did my own thing on the weights machines. mum had the girls and as she was feeding them dinner when i finished, i walked home. 

in all, a great day yesterday, big calorie burn, lots of movement from lbm3,  topped off with watching the true blood season finale....oh my gosh!! so good! love true blood!! 

and so far today, a fantastic day. big calorie burn and the vacuuming is done!

time for a warm shower and some lunch, before getting tea ready and then shopping for food and my dad's birthday present!

goals - september 12 thru september 18 - updated 18/9/11

just some random things i want to achieve this week....

1. bubble and bug get a cooked dinner each night.

monday: vegies and savoury treats (spinach and ricotta triangles, half a chicken steak each)

tuesday: latina kids pasta

wednesday: vegetables + savoury treats

thursday:

friday:

saturday:

sunday:

2. organise the girls some swimming lessons!

achieved - monday! they will both be going at 11:30am on sundays. finally!!

3. dinner for the agent and i each night.

monday: steak, salad and avocado salsa

tuesday: golden honey mustard chicken tonight with vegetables and rice

wednesday: FAIL! i had a lasagne in the fridge thawing out however was very tired so didn't cook it or any vegetables. the agent came home and heated it up in the microwave for himself. i'd had some savoury treats with the girls, as well as a packet of caramel tim tams (naughty naughty naughty. yes. the whole packet) so i  was not hungry at all. i ended up having an apple just before bed.

thursday: just as well i didn't cook anything, the agent came home from work at 10pm and went straight to bed.

friday: eggs on toast. poached eggs + avocado on toast. wasn't too bad either, considering we ate it at 9:30pm.

saturday: night out - 'men's cooking' at the owner of wiseberry's house

sunday:

4. get to the gym, and give it my all!!

monday: did the treadmill for 10 mins and then fatburner. 107 calories on the tready + 626 in fatburner. WOW!! 733 calories gone! have not done that many in fatburner in a long long time!

monday evening: was too late to do pump, so did the treadmill for 20 minutes, then some of the weights machines before walking home from the gym. did 2kms on the treadmill and the walk home is around 2kms. 570 calories gone! wow!!!

tuesday: avril and i walked to the gym today! i did pump, and then walked home again. my back was very sore for the rest of the day. i think that will be the first and only time i walk to the gym whilst pregnant. my lower back simply cannot handle it no matter how much i hold my tummy muscles in! grrrrr

wednesday: obstetrician appointment in the morning so missed attack. and i was not organised at all on wednesday so missed step on wednesday evening. feeling quite pissed with myself right now.

thursday: did not go to pump. i'm not liking the new pump that much. next week i will be JFDI'ing and telling myself to not be such a bloody princess. just go and do the freakin' class.


friday: car battery was flat. i'd left an interior light on for 14 hours. yup, that'll make it go flat alright! so no, no gym again today. so cranky!


saturday: i'd thought about for-going church and doing a 9am attack class. however i'm glad i didn't. the girls loved being at church, and it was nice to be with some adults and see a friend i haven't seen for a couple of months!

5. get the shopping done, as quickly as possible, spending the least amount of money i can!

well it's thursday and all i've bought so far this week is juice, honey, fronti and tim tams....think we're doing pretty well so far! looking forward to doing the shopping on saturday tho! run out of bananas, but they are still stupidly expensive in coles so have to wait for parklea on saturday.

6. post the green dress back to asos, my hrm back to polar, post dad's birthday present and return my shoes to betts.

green dress go posted back to asos on wednesday september 14.

posted dad's birthday present to him on wednesday september 14.
still haven't returned my shoes or posted my hrm. need a printer to print of receipts and repaid form, and i have not been to the agent's office at a time where i could print them.

7. get my winter/non maternity clothes into bags and then boxes and then into the garage!

this has been started......the agent and i had to sleep in our spare room as our bed is covered with my clothes. finishing this task today! well, not the boxing part. the agent will have to find boxes for me, and then he'll have to put them in the garage somewhere.
totally forgot about the top of my cupboard above where my jeans and jackets hang! oops. will tackle it next week i think!

8. sort out my undiewares! so many are a bit worn out!

this task has been started also.....and will be finished today! yup, it's all done! sorted and neat and tidy. old daggies are goooone!

9. clean my bathrooms.

yup, no where near this task being completed. hence why it's at the bottom of my list. i HATE cleaning bathrooms. yup, still not done, and it's the end of the week. next week, perhaps?

emotional eating. I'm taking control back bitch!

So I'm an emotional eater.

Duh. Have been for as long as I can remember.

I'm now 23 weeks pregnant. 17 to go. And the emotional eating is getting worse.

Not a good time for it to happen. Not only for my baby but for me as well.

I eat when I'm feeling:
Happy
Angry
Tired
Sad
Bored
Thirsty
Stressed
High on endorphins

I eat, and I eat crap, in the hopes I feel better. Feel better about myself. About the 'situation'. About my life in general.

After the birth of bug, I had undiagnosed post natal depression. By the time I saw a psychologist she said I had it under control and was at an 'anxiety' level.

My ways of 'controlling' the pnd were to exercise, and eat chocolate and drink red bull.

Totally defeats the whole idea of exercise huh? Good one steph. Genius. Absolute fucking genius you are!

So when a girl I know thru 12wbt posted on twitter a link to an article about emotional eating, I read with the hope of learning something.

And so, the posts to follow this one are about what I learnt.



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today I'm grateful for sleep + sunshine

miss bug was in a H O R R I B L E mood this morning. wouldn't listen is summing it up pretty well, as if we then tried to get her to do something the 'unpleasantness' started!

bubble, bug and I go to church on Saturday mornings. Today my mum joined us as she's here to celebrate her dad's 84th birthday. Woo!! Go granddad!! So I was lucky and had mum around to help me out. And still bug did not want to listen. It was not pleasant.

We tried going to the shops for morning tea after church but that proved to be too much - for bug and myself. I left mum at the shops as she was meeting her mum, and took the girls home. Bug fell asleep on the way. It's a 5 minute drive! That was 11:30am.

Bubble played with her toys for a bit, then curled up on the lounge with me and we had a nap. I'd been laying with my legs in the sun. It is so nice to feel the sun warming my skin again - summer is on it's way!

I eventually woke bug up at 3:10pm. Nearly 4 hours she slept for. Been a long time since she's needed that much during the day. I realized that she'd only had 9 hours last night, which helped put things in perspective.

So today I'm grateful for the big sleep bug had, and for the beautiful sunshine which warmed my legs and dried my washing! My toes are so cold now I could do with some more sunshine but I think we're getting rain instead. And that's ok. I love the rain too!


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sick of me

Have decoded I'm over it.

Over the bad habits I have.

I felt great on Sunday - exercise and healthy foods. I need to do this every day and I can do it.

So I'm going to. I'm going to do the right thing for me, my unborn bubbi and bubble and bug. With the way the I am I'm setting my girls up for bad habits in the snotty attitude. I can change that!

Tomorrow is a new day. It will be better.

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father's day | september 4 2011

father's day was fantastic!

as always bubble and bug were our alarm clocks. sunday's we lay in bed for ages until bubble starts asking for pancakes, which has become somewhat of a sunday morning routine for bubble, bug and the agent.

We surprised the agent by eventually bringing his presents into the room. He got tobelerone chocolate, fast & furious 5 on dvd, a picture done at daycare by each of the girls and a new seat for a child to go on the back of a push bike.

After breakfast the agent went about putting the new seat on the back of my bike, which I only got a couple of weeks ago. Exciting!


Bug + her daddy working on my bike!

Bubble and bug and I went outside and jumped on the trampoline...






We eventually got ready for the bike ride. Eventually. Getting us all ready, at the same time to be ready to leave together is like hearding cats. A nightmare.



Bug clowning about....another reason it takes forever to get ready!


The girls waiting patiently...

Eventually we set off! Bug fell asleep and bubble eventually relaxed and decided to 'be brave' on the bike with daddy. She was extremely nervous. Didn't want to go, didn't want to let go of the agent and each time the bike moved as he tried to get on she'd become a but hysterical all over again.

We rode along the main rode for a bit and then followed a bike/running track. My internal gps stopped working. I seriously had no idea where we were for ages! I think the track is near a house we're looking at buying, which excites me. Outdoor running track, not on a main road. Yay!!

We stopped at the bottom of the street we're looking at a house in. The girls had a sandwich and a run around.



After a bit we decided to keep riding. Up the street to go past the house we like. The street is one steep mo-fo! My butt was burning so much! I had to stop once, and am still amazed I continued to ride up the street! Yowzers! Not looking to do that again anytime soon

We had to hot foot it home as the agent got a call saying he had keys for a property one of his agent's wanted to show. This ride home involved sone coasting down hill.....and a couple of rather annoying hills. Again, I felt the burn!!

Once home we had lunch and then all went outside while the agent did some gardening. His version of gardening is 'rip the plants out by the roots'. Not sure why he has such anger towards the plants, but it doesn't bother me!


Girls on their swings and the agent armed ready to take on the bush!


Bug and I - bug being covered in toblerone!

Once the mozzies came out it was time to call it a day. We had a yummy BBQ for dinner, and were in bed after watching 'underbelly razor'.


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feeling blah...

not sure if i'm still tired from yesterday or what. 

i'll post about father's day '11 later. it was a fantastic day, the whole day too not just some of it. all the photos are on my iphone, so i'll have to do it from there. it involved a big bike ride, and i'm wondering if i'm just still tired from that?

i was going to do fitbox @ 6am with sarah today, but when i woke up i realised my lower back hurt. i think that was just an excuse tho. no, i KNOW it was an excuse. i should have gone tho, maybe it would have put me in a better mood. 

there's a quote i love: 

the most important workout you do is the one you don't want to do

and it is soooooooooo true. i did attack one morning when i really really didn't want to. and i felt so better afterwards, not just cos of the endorphins which happen when you workout, but cos i'd done it when my mind was telling me i didn't need to! as mish bridges says "JFDI!" just freakin' do it!

so maybe i need to start going for a walk outside of a morning. still a bit cool in the morning at 6am, but the sun is starting to get up earlier anyway. and i love that time of morning! 

i dont know....part of me thinks 'you're pregnant! stop pushing yourself to preform at the level you were before you became pregnant!'

and that another part of me says 'you're pregnant! so what! why should that stop you from doing something you love, which is moving?!! keep moving, you'll be in better shape during the pregnancy, and hopefully at the end too. and it'll push baby out quicker too!'

i honestly don't know what to do :(

i think i'm scared of becoming too tired and pushing myself too hard. i don't want to hurt myself and then not be able to exercise or move at all. i'm going to lower my weights in pump now, as my lower back can't handle the squat weight i normally use. but that's ok, so long as i can still squat!

so feeling rather blah today. bubble and bug were cra-ay-zy today. don't know what the go was with the 2 of them, running around chasing each other and screaming a lot.....as you do! it was nice cos they were playing together, they were just very loud!

hoping tomorrow will be a better day. can not complain about the weather tho - absolutely glorious!

food | sunday 3 september

breakfast...

breakfast this beautiful father's day morning: fruit salad + harris farm blackberry yoghurt

mango

apple

banana

strawberries

blueberries

orange

sooooooo delicious and filling!

lunch....

salad wrap + freshly blended fruit drink

wrap:

corn relish

lettuce mix

beetroot

pineapple

tomato

cucumber

dill-flavoured cheese

no idea what fruits were in the drink, as the agent made it. So delish tho!

and I enjoyed a bit of popcorn with bubble and bug.

dinner...

bbq consisting of:

steak

egg

pineapple

onion

potato + sour cream

fresh salad:

lettuce mix

tomato

beetroot

cucumber

snack...

cucumber + corn relish

toblerone chocolate

one of the girls fruit sticks

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today i'm grateful for my dad

it's father's day tomorrow, and i am really hoping that the agent likes the gifts he will be receiving! the girls made him a cute poster each at daycare - bubble even drew her 'dad' on hers! soooo cute, her drawing is a lot better than the last time i saw her do some!

i'm grateful for dads today. my relationship with my father has had it's ups and downs, of course. we are very alike - both have a love of animals and the outdoors. i can remember being so excited when it was time to do cattle work. i loved doing cattle work with my dad, and usually my grandmother. it involved the horses (my all-time favorite animal), dogs, cattle and lots of swearing! 3 generations, all clashing big time (massive ego overload when dad and granny got together!) yet somehow still managing to work together as a team and get the job done. my dad was amazing on a horse. his mare, philly was half-thoroughbred and soooo energetic. she'd just put her head down and push her way through the scrub to get to the cattle. was extremely quick too! she died about 5 years ago, even though she was young. i cried for a long time after she died, yet when dad told me he had to put my mare jackie down and found my other mare serinna dead in the paddock i didn't cry at all. i guess that's cos i knew they were getting to be fairly long in the teeth anyway. 

i don't have many memories of my dad coming away on holidays with us. it was always just my mum the teach, me and my brother the mechanic. and that was ok - made the holidays a lot less stressful and a fair bit cheaper too! as mum says, dad's umbilical cord only reaches the post office in town, which is 15kms from the farm! he doesn't like the heat (that rules out queensland) and hates crowds (that rules out cities!). so my memories of my dad are all based around the farm, which he loves and where i grew up. i miss the farm, a lot. miss the fresh air, open spaces, no noise and the stars! 

my dad is great with bubble and bug. bug adores him, and i think it goes back the other way too. last time we were at the farm, all bug wanted was her far. no one else, not even me, and that is amazing! mum says dad is a lot more relaxed with my girls than he was with my brother and i. 

my dad taught me how to work with animals (looks a lot harder than it is, and sometimes not! cattle are pigheaded, and sheep really can be stupid). he taught me how to do a job properly, cook a roast complete with baked vegetables, how to drive a manual vehicle, how to deliver a lamb and calf (complete with his arm all the way inside a cow up to his shoulder...have photos of that too! you just pull out and down, go with gravity!) and how to be patient. he once called me his 'soul-mate' which sounds a bit strange, but i think we are in a lot of ways. i don't talk to him as much as my mum, but that's just the way men and women are! he brings me back down to earth, cos of his no-nonsense attitude. he reminds me what's important.

he can be a bit hard to reason with at times! i love him to bits, and i love that i got his skin - i love that i tan just like him when i'm in the sun!